So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
