Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
