I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
