Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
