The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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