i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
