I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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