I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
