I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
