I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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