i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
