I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
