Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize