yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
