My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
