u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
