I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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