theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
