me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
