david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
