There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize