my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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