remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
