looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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