is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
