The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
either way he was missing a nipple.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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