I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
