You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
