she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
