Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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