If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
