but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
