The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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