the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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