I puked a lego.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
