Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
