he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
