You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
