Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize