After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
