no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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