He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize