and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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