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My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
