hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
