well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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