Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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