she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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