so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
