Tell her she can't have a vagina
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
