i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
