so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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