why didn't you poke me back
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
