I wanna bring you to show and tell
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
