"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
