I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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