from now on my penis is your penis
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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