i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
