..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Mom said you looked used
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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