she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
