you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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