How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
