Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
