ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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