He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
