i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
