She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
