I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
