If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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