this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
