I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize