Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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