Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
thus making me awesome and them whores
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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