What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
