even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
