Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize