So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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