i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
