i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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