Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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