i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
