please come you make the beer taste better
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
