I wannas sexs uuuuu
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
