i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize