Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
