somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
