I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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