oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
