I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
