Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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