sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
