You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
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