i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
