What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
