Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
