I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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