Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
