Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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